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Mazel tov!

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Mazel tov and welcome to the elite club of parents of gay youth and young adults.

So your son came out. You might have expected or suspected or hadn’t the slightest clue. Even if you were 100% sure your boy was gay, hearing it from your son is still something different. Final. Set in stone. Your child is now officially starting on a path that was different from what you imagined for them. You know it’s a path that is surrounded by prejudice and judgement, and your heart aches when you think of how your son might be treated as a second class citizen.

It doesn’t stop there. As time passes more and more people will find out. Your extended family, your co-workers, people at church will eventually find out that your son is not straight. You will be that family. You will be that parent. The one with the gay kid. Judgement towards your son will inevitably be extended to you, because you must have done something wrong to have your son leave the only path they approve of. There will be those who will want to cure your son, those, who think is a pervert and those, who will just want to shun him… and by extension the rest of your family, too.

However, there will be those who will understand, or who will want to understand. Maybe they will have misconceptions, or will have their own ideas of how you can be a better parent to your gay child, but there will be support for your son, for you, for the rest of your family. There will be people who will not judge, and there will be people who will extend love to you, because they do realise that love is greater. There will be people to lift you up when things are hard. There will be people to let your son know that it gets better. Because it does get better. It really does.

So here you are, your dreams of becoming a grandma to your son’s children might be shattered for now, that might change in the future. Many of us will find the partner with whom we’ll eventually settle down, and many of us do get to raise children. Others will become that cool uncle every child deserves. Of course loving your gay uncle might teach you all kinds of weird things like tolerance and acceptance.

On your journey as a straight parent to a gay child you might find stumbling blocks. Why do we  insist on displaying affection publicly? Why the outrageous outfits and the crazy parades? Why the need to make known our sexual orientation? Why the PRIDE?

The answer is simple. After years of hiding and shame, we refuse to be invisible. We refuse to be forgotten and dismissed as insignificant or non-existent. We are here, and beyond our sexual orientation we are not so much different from other people. We are humans. We work, eat, love, hate, bleed, cry, create like everyone else. We have the same desires, the same hopes, the same dreams, the same needs. We are atheists, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, searchers, doubters, believers, sceptics. We are doctors, construction workers, fashion designers, judges, teachers, cooks, cashiers, performers. Writers, artists, actors, composers, singers have been among us and blessing humanity since antiquity, because this is not a “new” or “trendy” thing.

Welcome to this club of parents who have been blessed with gay children. In a world where a significant number of young people lose all family support and often their homes when they come out, please do not forget that your son is still your son. Be it by birth or adoption, the child you have loved is not going to change just because he revealed this aspect of his life to you. Just know that he trusts you enough to be honest with you, and he still needs you the same way that he needed you the day before.

You, as a loving and believing parent might feel prompted to start building bridges between the Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Pastafarian community and the LGBT community. We don’t need these bridges. We are already part of the community. Maybe too afraid to come out, maybe still going in spite of the attitude of the religious community towards us. We don’t need bridges. We need to be included.

Mazel tov and congratulations on your loving, trusting, fabulous gay son.

13 Responses to “Mazel tov!”

  1. Jill says:

    Thank you for writing and sharing this, my friend. This is my favorite part, perhaps: “Welcome to this club of parents who have been blessed with gay children. In a world where a significant number of young people lose all family support and often their homes when they come out, please do not forget that your son is still your son.”

    It very much mirrors what parents like me who have children with Down syndrome say to new parents: It’s a blessing and your child is still your child.

  2. Anon says:

    This post couldn’t have come at a better time. I needed something like this today.

    Thank you!

  3. jeanette says:

    that was a geat article. i alos love the part that says, your son is still your son whether gay or straight. i am going through a very hard time with a lot of my family members right now.my family wants me to get a sex change.they just do not believe that being gay is possible.they are insisting that i had to of been switched sexes at birth. i do not really care if i was switched at birth (although i know i wasn’t)i still would never have a sex change. i get damned to hell all of the time.they threaten me with false accusations all of the time.and they do from time to time say they really do not want to associate with me anymore.but i am realizing that my family are not the only people in the world.i now know that there is love in this world for me thanks to the many gays that have bravely come out of the closet and to people like you who write articles like these and the gay christian network.

    • Hevel @KosherKola says:

      Thank you for your comment. I hope there will be some parents who read this and start to re-think their way of treating their children.

  4. doesitevenmatter3 says:

    I can feel the emotions behind your words. I’m sure your wise and important words here, are born out of emotions, experiences (good and not-so-good), observations, and so much more!
    Thank you for this post! I wish it could be shared with parents everywhere!
    One of the greatest gifts we can give to children is to love and celebrate who they are, exactly as they are, and thank them for being in our lives!
    HUGS!!!

  5. jen says:

    excellent. will share when i get home on sunday.

  6. Jill says:

    Just read it again… 🙂 Probably won’t be the last time.

  7. Lesa says:

    Having a gay son has turned out to be one of my greatest blessings. Thanks for writing this post :-).

  8. Jon says:

    Hevel, that is truly beautiful.
    I am sorry I missed this when you first posted it. I am glad you brought it back again through FB.
    It would be so great if all parents could read this. <3
    HUGS, Jon

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