Because Love is Greater

*All that is appearing in this post has been reviewed and approved by our friends.*

Our friends from the USA are here. We are having fun together, and our kids are getting along great. We had a great trip to Tzfat together, nice time on the beach and in the city… and great time chatting and discussing topics that are important to us. It was a wonderful few days together, and I think it brought some healing to our friends as well as some comfort and optimisim regarding the future of their children.

Our guests first wrote to me while they were in the middle of an adoption that didn’t end up going as it was planned, and their oldest son came out shortly before they traveled. Yes, I mean came out as gay. The world of this very conservative, “fundie light” family was shaken by that revelation of their son, and mom needed  to reach out… and found me. We have been writing and chatting for the better part of two years, and we have discussed life with HIV, cooking, TV shows, sunscreen, theology, Dr Pepper, cancer, parenting, iPads and Galaxy tablets… and everything else.

We talked about her feelings of shame and disappointment concerning her son. These feelings were overwhelming, and, as often, overshadowing the love. The shame and fear of being shamed by the community, being shamed by men dominated her relationship with her son. All the while she was doing something that was just as frowned upon: adopting HIV+ children. She was judged for that and alienated by church members and leaders. And that was when she realized that G-d commanded her to love and to leave judgement up to Him.

And that was when love won. because love is greater. She realized she doesn’t need to approve. She doesn’t need to embrace the LGBT community. She needs to love and embrace her son. They found the right community of believers to worship with, where they, too are accepted, with the gay son and all. I pointed her towards another blogger, Nathanael Vitkus, who is both a dedicated Christian and a supporter of the LGBT community, and works to build bridges between the church and the community.

While in Israel they had to face the next challenge of being the parents of a gay young adult. And that was an actual relationship starting up. I won’t go intro details what happened, but let me just say: having a same sex partner for your son in not easier, but not harder than having a daughter-in-law. Trust me on that one. Because… love is greater. People are different. Grown children fall in love, start their own families, and all we, as parents can do is love them. Or make their lives hell, but who wants to reinforce the evil mother-in-law stereotype?

Just remember. Love is greater. It always is greater.

***There’s a reason why gay means happy.*** 

4 Responses to “Because Love is Greater”

  1. Christina says:

    That’s wonderful that your friend was able to reach out to you for support. I always feel so sad to hear about church members shunning people for issues like this (and for wanting to adopt an HIV+ child? Wow! How awful to criticize someone for such an act of love and selflessness!).

    • Hevel says:

      She said that she wrote me because I was the only “normal” gay person she ever came across. As in not a crazy pervert. That opinion has changed. She knows I’m crazy, and that there are lots of normal people in the LGBT community.

      The thing about fundamentalism, be it Christian/Catholic, Jewish or Islam is that anything deviating from the norms of the community is a reason to cut off fellow believers. That’s why they are all so damaging and cult like. Unfortunately fundamentalism is spreading, because people want to be relieved of personal responsibility of the welfare of their souls.

      • If you don’t have LGBT friends, it’s hard not to think in stereotypes. The LGBT community is portrayed in the media as a bunch of eccentric, sex-obsessed people who don’t care about anything except for themselves. You might get away with being eccentric in most religions, but being sex-obsessed and egoistic? That doesn’t really fit the image of a perfect Christian, Muslim … And because of these stereotypes, religious LGBT’s don’t come out, which just keeps this vicious circle alive. I know some LGBT people in the evangelical church. Most of them married (heterosexual marriages). Those who didn’t, left the church, either for another denomination or altogether. I don’t know anyone who came out when (s)he was an evangelical and stayed in the church. They’re fighting a silent battle. So, I have no problem believing you were the only ‘normal’ gay man she ever came across.
        I love this quote: “And that was when love won. because love is greater. She realized she doesn’t need to approve. She doesn’t need to embrace the LGBT community. She needs to love and embrace her son.”
        It’s so true, but unfortunately, very few people realize it.
        Btw: the Catholic Church is much more open to the LGBT community here in Belgium than most of the other denominations. I guess that is because they don’t equate LGBT’s with their sexual orientation.

        • Hevel says:

          Eccentric I am, and yes, I love love love sex. It’s something awesome with the person you love. But I’m sure straight people love sex, too.

          To be honest, you’ll only see the loud and flamboyant ones, because they are loud and flamboyant.

          And I agree with you: it’s a silent battle, but, at least in part, our own community is to blame for it.


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