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The Unspoken Thought

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Yesterday I celebrated my birthday and I have to say it was my best birthday ever. There were stressful weeks leading up to it, but I managed to let go of a lot of fears and insecurities atht were biting my neck even the day before. A little extra something also helped with that, and yes, I did have fun. 😀

Yet, in the back of my mind, I was wondering constantly if she’d wish me a happy birthday. She emailed me about whatever earlier in the week, but was she gonna make the effort to acknowledge my birthday, my 30th birthday? Or would she ignore it as she had done it during my childhood?

Yes, I’m talking about the woman, who raised me. The woman I have been spending my entire adulthood trying to distance myself from, and yet, all I wanted was her acknowledging my special day. Why? No idea.

The woman who hurt and betrayed me more times than I can count is doing the same thing that I expected her to… and it still hurts. Because behind the rational mind there is the irrational desire to be loved and accepted by those who hurt me.

Blah, stupid heart. But luckily, this wasn’t the most memorable part of the day… and it only took  25 years.

4 Responses to “The Unspoken Thought”

  1. Jon Hayenga says:

    I am so glad that you had such a great day. 🙂
    HUGS…….

  2. Andi says:

    Drága!
    Ne foglalkozz vele.
    Ezzel kapcsolatosan csakis a fejedre hallgass, és tudd!

    Vagyunk épp elegen, akiknek fontos vagy és akik szeretünk!

    ? nem fog megváltozni…

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