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Sorry…

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Yes, I know I owe three days’ worth of Good Morning Songs. I owe three days1 worth of posts. I owe photos, an update on Yonah and his independent life, and just general “Only 3 weeks till Harel Skaat’s Big Concert”. But I won’t post those.

The last three days have been bad. I have a diagnosis at last, so I can start to get better, but with everything else that have gone on, I’m in a worse shape than I was pre-diagnosis. Physically, my body is in a pretty bad shape. I’m working on gaining strength by eating whatever I can at this point: scrambled eggs, fish, potatoes and sour cream. Oh, and shrimp. Many thanks to my dad, who makes it possible for me to eat fish and shrimp every day. I gained about half a kilo (about a lb) and that’s already awesome. Only about 15-20 more and I’ll be back at my regular weight.

Mentally… I1m on a bad place, too. Still struggling with depression. Still struggling with anxiety, with PTSD, with pain management. My wanting to seem strong and unbreakable doesn’t do me any good, I have to realize. Again. I’m not super human and pain breaks me, and it breaks me sooner than I’d think. So I have to be wise about my pain management. But it’s hard when I don’t feel like complaining any more, because all I do is telling someone that it hurts here or there. My broken Hebrew is just enough to tell people where it hurts.

(Taking a break here to read some Roman Catholic doctrine on indulgences, because I’m weird like that.)

So today this was the opening page that greeted me on Etsy:

This reminded me of Andi, because her parents have bees. It also reminds me of Bozót, because she has bees, too. 🙂 And it reminds me of the spring that is mostly non-existant here. I miss spring. It kind of makes me homesick. For what? I’m not sure…

8 Responses to “Sorry…”

  1. Andi says:

    Furcsa lehet az, hogy ott kimarad ez az évszak, miközben hosszú évekig úgy éltél, hogy mindíg átélted.

    Évekig én voltam vele úgy, hogy átrohantam, nem is vettem észre, csak hírtelen télb?l nyár lett.
    Aztán mikor az exem elköltözött és elkezdtünk sokat bicajozni, meg sétálni a fiúkkal, ismét felfedeztem magamnak a tavaszt.
    Az illatokat, a színeket, a zsongást…
    Jó újra része lenni a világnak. 🙂

    • Hevel says:

      Sokáig nem is volt tavasz, meg igazán ?sz sem Magyarországon. De volt néhányszor, ami olyan igazi volt, ami mélyen belémívódott.

      • Andi says:

        Az ?sz hála a magasságosnak, ha kimarad, az es?t, ködöt, ÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚTÁLOM!
        Attól teljesen befordulok, meg?rülök.
        De akkor a tavaszokról lehet nem is a kocsival furikázások miatt maradtam akkor le?! 🙂

      • Bozót says:

        Most egész kulturált tavasznak t?nik…lassan melegszik az id?, éjjel még h?vös van és lassacskán nyílnak a krókuszok, bújnak a tulipánok…és jönnek a méhecskék a nyíló barkára 🙂 És, hogy korrekt giccs legyen, ül a bárányom a f?ben….izé szalmában 🙂

  2. Eszti says:

    Talán nem is igazán a tavaszra vágysz, hanem egyszer?en változásra és felejtésre…
    Úgy, mint ez a lepke:
    http://www.corbisimages.com/images/Corbis-57441.jpg?size=67&uid=8254c90b-72c7-400f-8ed3-0621b62cddb9

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