The last few weeks have been full of joy. At the same time, the same period has been full of pain for me: both phyiscal and psychological. There have been a lot of triggers and I have been strugglig with maintaining control of my mind and emotions. Childhood trauma is a tricky thing, it can stay with one for the rest of their lives.

It all started with someone posting on their Xanga about their niece being diagnosed with leukemia. It brought out all kinds of memories and fears and an unfortunate amount of nightmares. The past 25 years of my life have been defined by this disease, and all that I went through because of it. For some odd reason that one post dragged me through the deepest and darkest circles of revisited trauma.

Then someone else wrote about a little girl I know who was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Then just today I heard that someone with whom I shared a room during much of my treatments passed away after a relapse. I took the news pretty well. I was in control all day. And now that it’s night time, and everyone is asleep, I am shattered.

Please give me the glue that can put the pieces back together.

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